


The Vanishing Act of Byun Baekhyun

by baeconandeggs, septinembers



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, BAE2017, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 22:02:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10908324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/septinembers/pseuds/septinembers
Summary: The second time the door opens, Baekhyun is standing there looking eerily calm. But the third time the magician executes his performance and the box is opened with no sign of Baekhyun or anyone being there for that matter, the lights go out and the audience shrieks in surprise





	The Vanishing Act of Byun Baekhyun

**Author's Note:**

> Author: [11351160](https://11351160.livejournal.com/)  
> Prompt#: 249  
> Title: The Vanishing Act of Byun Baekhyun  
> Word Count: 14,078  
> Side Pairing(s): implied Jongin/Baekhyun, implied Jongin/Kyungsoo  
> Rating: R  
> Warning(s):homophobia/homophobic slurs, smut, attempted angst  
> Disclaimer: The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> Author's Note: I managed to actually (??) finish this in between work which was really really challenging but a huge thank you to the mods who have been super patient and understanding of my situation! I can't thank you guys enough for motivating me to finish this!

“Chanyeol,” the whimper escaping his mouth jolts him awake, his arousal heavy and hot between his legs as a taller man thrusts in and out of his puckered hole languidly.

 

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol grunts, his pace still unrelentingly slow, much to Baekhyun’s growing annoyance. “How can you still be so fucking tight?” His question is only met with a squeeze to his cock, Baekhyun’s walls wet yet stubbornly clinging onto Chanyeol’s throbbing length, causing Chanyeol to nearly buckle over him.

 

Baekhyun’s whimpers grow louder as soon as his mind slowly gains consciousness and when his lover increases his pace, his occasional grunting deep in his ear. The recollection of last night's events resonate in his head, fuelling his arousal and forcing him to wrap a hand around his heated cock, stroking himself to completion in the pace his lover set.

 

Although still laced with sleep, his eyes almost bulge out of their sockets when he feels a particular hard thrust to his prostate, the feeling euphoric and crashing like waves into shore as he revels and arches his back forward needy for more. His cock, still sensitive from last night’s activities, barely spurts out any cum.

 

 And when he feels hot liquid fill him up to the brim, he lets out a deep exhale and a content hum as Chanyeol pulls out of him and whispers lovingly in his ear, “Happy anniversay, babe.”

 

A smile turns up on his lips and his eyes open to look at his lover who was grinning at him. “I love you.”

 

“Fuck you.” The smaller hisses, fists weakly pounding at Chanyeol’s defined chest.

 

“Ah, ah, ah,” The other sing songs, grinding his cock against the other's, elliciting another sinful moan from the man under him. “I do the fucking here, have you forgotten so quickly? Or must I give you a demonstration again?”

 

But Baekhyun only chuckles and looks up at him, eyes soft and dainty hands caressing through his hair.

 

“Happy anniversary, baby.” He replies in a croaked voice. “And I love you too.” He receives a playful growl in return and is squished deeper into the mattress as he is cuddled and nipped at the neck. He giggles lightly, enjoying the sensations running on his neck that he feels himself harden again. However, Chanyeol halts and looks up at him in the eye.

 

“And as much as I’d love to spend the whole day in bed with you, we need to get ready. We're heading out today.”

 

He looks back in confusion. “Where are we going?”

 

“It's a secret. But it's a long drive to there. So, we need to get up and pack our bags right now.”

 

“Pack?”

 

Chanyeol’s eyes crinkle as he grins widely, endearment swelling in his heart at the image of his other half splayed across the bed, hair in short waves around his head, eyes lidded in sleep and pink sweet juicy lips wet and slightly parted.

 

“You’ll see when we get there. Now, come on. Do you think you can walk?”

 

He helps the smaller get up the bed, bringing the thick comforter to fall off his shoulders, but when his lover bends down to pull the suitcases from under the bed, he stops him.

 

“Wait! I’ll do it.” With a soft pat to his butt—eliciting a surprised squeal after—Chanyeol gently pushes him towards the bathroom.

 

“Go on, Baek. I’ll pack your things while you're gone.”

 

He receives a blinding smile in return, the warmth intensifying in his heart at the burst of love for the smaller. He thinks there’s no one else more beautiful than he whose head was peeking out behind the bathroom door, eyes twinkling with mirth and a soft nod fluttering his caramel colored hair over. “Thanks, Chanyeol.”

 

 

 

 

With the click of the door shut, Chanyeol gets to work. He pulls the suitcases from under the bed and throws whatever his hands can grab a hold on from their shared closet and into them. But when he starts packing Baekhyun’s bag, he makes an effort to fold his clothes properly and tuck his accessories at the sides, mentally considering the fact that his lover loved looking presentable no matter it be at a private setting such as the bedroom.

 

And when he's deemed done, Chanyeol glances at the shut bathroom door before pulling out a velvet box from his own suitcase’s hidden compartment. He pops the lid open with a sharp clack and the silver band gleams in whatever sunlight that peeks through the blinds of the room, the intricate diamond design glinting harshly to the beat of Chanyeol’s pounding heart.

 

 

 

 

It's when the city skyline recedes into the distance and green hills and towering trees start lining up the highway does Baekhyun realize they've been on a drive for hours to the soothing voice of Dionne Warwick softly blaring from the stereo, miles away from the city and comfortably entering the simple countryside.

 

Soon enough, the asphalt lanes corrode abruptly into dust and their car makes its bumpy way to a massive clearing now dotted with tinkering fairy lights and dozens of striped tents, the circus’ visitors a blur as the people flock excitedly from one tent to another.

 

“Surprise?” Chanyeol asks, taking note of the little gasps that come out of his lover’s mouth, accentuated even so whenever the mini roller coaster ascends high up on its track in the air and twinkles like a star with the sun’s rays glinting on its hot metal.

 

“It's…” Baekhyun trails off. “a circus.” He finally lets out with a big breath, amazement filling his lungs. It's been so long since he last went to a circus, the last being at the tender age of nine when his parents drove him to one for his birthday. Although too young for most of the rides, Baekhyun enjoyed every single part of it and now that he’s back at one, he slips his hand in Chanyeol’s, holding the calloused hand tightly as he looks up at the taller.

 

“I know it isn’t Disneyland,” Chanyeol tells him, recalling the moment they shared one night under the sheets when the room steadily grew cooler and Baekhyun was leaning on his chest, hands intertwined without a care for how stained they may be from their recent rendezvous.

 

It was during moments like that when the high steadies down and all that’s left is to unravel and fall in each other like their unclothed bodies would usually do.

 

It was during such an intimate moment that Baekhyun once shared his innocent dream to relive even just a day in Disneyland, the so called happiest place on earth, a magical place he for now could only relive in his dreams.

 

“But I hope the circus will do.”

 

“Oh, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, voice extremely soft. His eyes are tender as they search and revel in Chanyeol’s brown ones, his hands clutching more tightly onto calloused ones as he says in reassurance,

 

“With you, everything’s much more magical.”

 

Honestly, Chanyeol’s never been to a circus until now.  And if Baekhyun was any right at what he said, then all he could ever be is look forward to making some sort of magic on their own, starting with the velvet box in his jeans pocket that seem to suddenly weigh him down.

 

 

 

 

 

There are more than a thousand visitors that day, some coming as far as Jeju Island and some simply in the neighborhood curious at the new attraction that rolled up in their town. There were also foreigners, Baekhyun notes; a couple of little boys with eyes of blue were huddled by the shooting booth, fighting amongst themselves for the toy pellet gun handed to them as prize.

 

And it was then that Baekhyun learned the circus was an international sensation, making stops all over the world. Apparently, its recent stop was just a few thousand miles away, Beijing specifically, as it was stated on a poster stubbed on the circus’ huge bulletin board by the entrance.

 

It also seems that the circus amassed quite a following if the hundreds of people with customized shirts and other accessories were any proof. For Baekhyun, they looked ridiculous—to the extent that they looked like the typical fan he would see running around Seoul in search of her idols--but they don’t seem to mind their peculiarity as they only naturally gravitate towards each other in large groups, conversing in hushed excited tones as they go about their way around the circus, pointing fingers and greeting other fans along the way.

 

Chanyeol pulls him out of his observations by nudging him on the shoulder and gesturing at the food stalls lined in neat rows before them, the different aromas of street food and chocolate popcorn enticing Baekhyun forward as he remembers the hunger he’s been enduring from roaming excitedly around and trying every attraction and booth the circus had to offer.

 

After filling his stomach with various circus treats, particularly the sweet caramel pops, Chanyeol and Baekhyun make another round of the circus, discovering that the circus was bigger than it appeared to be with more tents squeezed between and behind larger tents, waiting to be entered, therefore being almost unnoticeable by people.

 

They enter a tent with a sign bearing _The Lost_ , the flap making a twinkling sound and a brief flash of blue skies and laughter run through Baekhyun’s mind as his hand makes the briefest contact. Despite being confused, Baekhyun lets it slide and instead, observes the tent in its dim lighting.

 

And although dim, Baekhyun can make out the silhouettes of various objects placed on tables that fill the whole tent. There are things a usual person would possess such as a wrist watch, a pair of glasses, and a sequined shirt that is hanged among others on a rack by the far end of the tent. And then, there are the unusual things that look out of place in a circus like a screwdriver, a grandfather clock and a smashed bumper unscrewed from a car.

 

“This is weird,” Chanyeol murmurs behind him. “Why would a circus have a tent with these things? It honestly looks like a lost and found station.”

 

Baekhyun lets out a giggle from that and continues to look around the tent. “You’re one to judge or do you not feel that bump on your head anymore?”

 

Baekhyun sees Chanyeol’s figure slouch as he’d probably recalled his minor accident at one of the tents and he laughs, going back to whatever the tent has to offer until Baekhyun’s eyes rest on a gold necklace that made a quick sparkle when the tent’s light bulbs swung in the air.

 

Ignoring Chanyeol’s yelping (the giant probably tripped over his chicken legs again, Baekhyun thought), he reached a hand towards the gold necklace and almost drops it when images swarm his mind, a pretty woman smiling at him and holding a glass of wine on one hand and the other outstretched and wrapped around another’s, probably her lover.

 

The woman’s smile gets bigger as she puts the wine glass down and brings her hand to stroke the same gold necklace wrapped around her neck. She looks back at Baekhyun with a thankful look in her eyes and says, “Thank you.”

 

And then, the image ends and Baekhyun is brought back to the present, Chanyeol shuffling behind him. Baekhyun, still in a trance from what he saw, puts the necklace back in its place and suddenly, realizes what this tent had to offer. His eyes catch sight of the smashed bumper he first saw and hurriedly walks over to it, fingers hesitantly hovering over it before he finally rests them on it.

 

Again, Baekhyun is swarmed by images of another person’s memories.

 

This time, it’s a family of five. Baekhyun’s on the passenger seat looking at the man behind the wheel who turns to give him a grin. At the backseat are loud hollers from three children—two boys and one girl—jumpy and happily seated as they voice out their thoughts about the camping trip.

 

Soon enough, Baekhyun knows where this is heading to—if the smashed bumper is any proof. When the father glances back to his children, he doesn’t see the speeding truck swerving out of its lane and pummelling towards them at a scary pace but just before the truck makes contact with them, the images shatter and Baekhyun is staring right at Chanyeol who looks at him with worry.

 

“Byun Baek?” Chanyeol asks. “Did you hear what I said? I said if you were okay because you paled there for a sudden.”

 

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun says in reassurance to Chanyeol who doesn’t look at all convinced as he takes note of Baekhyun’s visibly shaken up appearance. “nothing to worry about.”

 

“Well...” Chanyeol trails off, not entirely convinced. “If you say so.” He continues when Baekhyun gives him a wide smile, albeit his lips quivering.

 

“I’m most entirely sure.” Baekhyun tells him. “Why don’t we—stop!” Baekhyun nearly screams when Chanyeol reaches out towards a butter knife which is suspiciously tainted in blackish color and handle nearly bent into half. “Don’t touch that.”

 

Chanyeol looks back in confusion, determined to reason out that it was only a butter knife and nothing harmful but when he sees the expression on Baekhyun’s face, his hand goes back to his side.

 

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the tent becomes heavy, air thick and it becomes almost too hot to breathe in. Chanyeol’s lungs constrict in need and even before the grandfather clock strikes 10 in the morning—just even a few seconds before it happens—Chanyeol has Baekhyun herded out of the tent.

 

 

 

 

 

A few more minutes wandering around doesn’t lift Baekhyun’s dampened spirit much to Chanyeol’s confusion and disappointment. He doesn’t know why Baekhyun’s suddenly acting that way; the moment in the previous tent must’ve shaken him up so bad that all he could do is stare long into the distance.

 

Then, he sees the looming tent, a bit bigger than the rest, situated at the far end of the circus just a distance away from the clustered tents. _The Magician_ , its tapestry read hung over the circus flap. Chanyeol nudges Baekhyun in the arm, knocking him off his contemplating.

 

“Baekhyun, look!” Chanyeol excitedly tells him. “It’s the magician’s tent! Wanna go check it out?”

 

Baekhyun only stares in the direction of the tent and slowly nods before a small smile adorns his face, the usual glint in his eyes returning to its normal brightness.

 

“You know Chan, I always wanted to go see a magic show.” Baekhyun murmurs.

 

“Then, we better not miss it this time.”

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun managed to score seats just in front of the stage, albeit having to race against a snotty couple in the throng of people finding their own seats. The snotty couple could only scoff and leave but not before Baekhyun gives them a haughty scoff of his own, much to Chanyeol’s amusement.

 

Soon enough, the chairs are occupied and the lights in the tent go out before a single light switches open, shining on a black box that was resting on a table in the middle of the stage. Having familiarized himself with the scene (one anyone can remember depicted over and over again in numerous Hollywood movies), Baekhyun squeals in his seat as the sound of shoes clacking magnify in the air and out of the shadows appear the magician in his custom tailor suit, his eyes kind but calculative and slick brown hair parted except for a single flock that rest just above his eyes.

 

In a blur, he pulls out his magic wand from behind him and as he basks in the surprise and awe of the audience, begins his performance.

 

 

 

 

 

After a series of performances showcasing the magician’s abilities through the use of a handkerchief, a rabbit out of a hat, a box made of mirror, a blanket, and the famous use of a saw and a very brave volunteer from the audience—the magician’s assistant pulls out on stage a vertical box rolling on its wheels. It’s nearly seven feet tall, painted in sleek deep black that it almost blends in with the shadows. One side of it opens as a door and inside is blank canvas, with not even a small misshaped hole visible to the human eye.

 

The magician walks the whole expanse of the stage, eyes slightly squinting as he looks towards the crowd in search perhaps of another volunteer to his performance. Without even a word (not like he’s spoken throughout his past performances at all), hands shoot up in the air along with enthusiastic shouts of willingness echoing throughout the tent. Baekhyun flinches as the woman beside him screeches so near his ear, causing them both to gain the magician’s attention.

 

But it is not the woman who the magician is staring at. Rather, it was at Baekhyun whose one hand was loosely intertwined in Chanyeol’s and expression a glare as he side-eyes the woman who only looks back incredulously. Chanyeol nudges him on the shoulder and Baekhyun turns back to see the magician stretching out his hand for him to reach.

 

With Baekhyun unsure of what to do, Chanyeol only beckons him forward and so he hesitatingly rests his hand on the magician’s gloved one and is pulled up from his seat and up on stage where the assistant guides him towards the box that seems to loom over him.

 

But before he could even take a step in it, the magician halts him and gestures with his eyes to the gold band Baekhyun wears on his finger, a gift from Chanyeol on the day of their third anniversary. Baekhyun looks back in question so the magician softly murmurs, “Your ring. I need it.”

 

Instinctively, Baekhyun cradles his hand against his chest in protest and in a soft voice asks, “Why?”

 

“I need it for the performance.” The magician simply says. “Don’t worry. You’ll get it back but I just really need it for you to stay anchored into this world.”

 

“What?” Baekhyun asks, albeit loudly much to the audience’s surprise. Baekhyun can see Chanyeol stand up from his chair in worry but Baekhyun only waves him back. “What are you actually going to do?”

 

The magician gives him a smile so kind Baekhyun doesn’t see anything suspicious or a tinge of sinister behind it. “I’m going to make you disappear, of course.”

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun is gently guided into the box and when he turns around to face the audience, his eyes find his. Even though they twinkle in excitement doused with a little bit of worry, Chanyeol can read he’s also scared.

 

But even before Chanyeol could take him out and ask for the magician to pick someone else, the assistant closes the box with an audible thud and pushes the lock back in place before the magician circles the box within seconds.

 

When the assistant opens the box, Baekhyun is gone. The audience gives out cries of approval with a pleasant round of applause until the magician orders for the assistant to close the door again and circles it one more time.

 

The second time the door opens, Baekhyun is standing there looking eerily calm. But the third time the magician executes his performance and the box is opened with no sign of Baekhyun or anyone being there for that matter, the lights go out and the audience shrieks in surprise.

 

 

 

 

 

The silence was deafening. Chanyeol’s ears were ringing. Where the rest of the audience shrieked in indignation and noisily stumbled their way out of the tent in minutes (and possibly in confusion and disappointment rather than awe with what happened), Chanyeol felt like the world slowed in rotation. The commotion around him was reduced to a muffled nuisance and the stage where his lover once stood a blur before him.

 

He doesn’t feel his legs; no, he doesn’t even realize he’s standing on his own two feet and made his way miraculously up the stage on the exact spot he last saw Baekhyun on just before he disappeared.

 

No, Chanyeol doesn’t think it’s possible. It was probably just a prank. A sort of thing the circus always had going on during their tours, just to heighten the mood.

 

Well, in this case, Chanyeol wasn’t feeling the sentiments.

 

His heart was all he could hear right now, in addition to the constant ringing in his ear. His eyes shot up and frantically roam the dark tent. He wants to scream but he can’t.

 

His voice is gone and immediately, his body fails him as his legs buckle under his weight.

 

It was pathetic, really. For Chanyeol to be this much of a mess with barely ten minutes since Baekhyun disappeared. He just couldn’t live without him. Heck, he can’t imagine himself surviving without him. It was no surprise for any one of their friends if they saw Chanyeol in such emotional state.

 

They would’ve laughed but then, they wouldn’t. Because they knew what kind of man Chanyeol was and he was a man whose existence and purpose in life revolved and relied on his other half and nothing else.

 

Chanyeol dashes out of the tent, wide eyed and hair wildly in disarray. People start to look at him weirdly but he doesn’t seem to notice for his eyes desperately search the crowd for a familiar figure.

 

But his search comes up with nothing until he spots a circus employee dressed in their usual attire of red and white. The employee looks up at him as Chanyeol approaches, a dangerous and dominant air around him but the employee could see the man was distraught if the eyes were enough proof.

 

“Excuse me…” Chanyeol says, not exactly knowing how to start. “Baekhyun… he was in the magician’s tent.”

 

“Then your friend would’ve left along with the rest of the crowd, sir.” The employee said, his expression monotonous as if he couldn’t care any less, as if he were told the same thing over and over again judging by his tone, as if he could be anywhere than there with Chanyeol right now.

 

“No!” Chanyeol exasperatedly tells him. “You don’t get it! He was part of the show when he just…” Chanyeol’s voice cracks. “disappeared.”

 

The employee’s expression doesn’t shift one bit but his eyes hold a new emotion in them, his thick lips setting itself into a thin line. “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s nothing I can do.”

 

“Nothing?!” Chanyeol shrieks, attracting unwanted attention from the circus goers. “How can there be nothing you can do when you work in this circus?!” Chanyeol demands, his body quaking in fear.

 

“My boyfriend was pushed inside that box. The first time, he was there. The second, he was there. And the third, he was gone.” Chanyeol adds. “Tell me, why and where did they bring him?”

 

“He was your boyfriend?” Someone in the crowd—a man—spoke up then walks forward to show himself. “That small guy the magician chose?”

 

“Yes.” Chanyeol curtly tells him. The man hums in response and goes back to mesh with the crowd but not before Chanyeol hears what he had to say under his breath, ‘Filthy fags. He asked for it.’

 

“Excuse me but how can my boyfriend ask for it?” Chanyeol asks, his voice incredulous and demanding. “He was chosen by the magician and went along with the whims of it. He did not ask to be a part of the show nor ask to disappear.”

 

And then his eyes narrow as they focus on the same man who desperately tries to blend and hide in the crowd. _Not so much of a man now, are we?_ “But call him a filthy fag again and I will do something we both might regret.”

 

“That’s what you are, anyway.” A woman speaks up from the crowd that only seemed to thicken as the seconds pass by. “Homosexuality is a sin.”

 

“So, you think my boyfriend is less than any man just because he’s gay?!” Chanyeol shrieks as he questions, the crowd forming and enclosing around him and the circus employee. “Do you mean then that my boyfriend deserved it, that he should’ve disappeared from the moment he realized he was different, and that I shouldn’t look for him instead?”

 

The crowd murmurs in mixture, the woman’s voice raising above anyone else’s, her loud “To hell with him!” carried by the wind. Chanyeol shakes in anger, his eyes towards the woman who looked nowhere bothered or ashamed for her statements.

 

“If that’s the only thing that makes my boyfriend less of a person, then how about you?” Chanyeol asks and the crowd goes down in silence, the woman’s mouth gaping open and close as if she was looking for words. “To speak ill or even wish someone to disappear for good, for you to rob a person of his own right to live and experience what the world had to offer, aren’t you exactly less of any decent person then?”

 

Chanyeol scoffs. “Heterosexuals.” Chanyeol sneers, taking the woman and the rest of the crowd aback before he stomps away through the crowd that makes way, the circus employee’s gaze lingering heavy on his back.

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re still here.” Chanyeol looks up to see the same employee looking down on him, the same expression set on his face. Chanyeol could only look away and drown himself again in silence when the employee sits down beside him on the muddy ground.

 

It’s been an hour since Baekhyun’s disappearance and Chanyeol’s made his seventh round of the circus before collapsing in exhaustion and extreme desperation.

 

He’s asked people whether they’ve seen a small male around, donning black jeans and a green bomber jacket that was actually a size bigger on him, but no one could give him a proper answer for they were too engrossed with the circus to even notice anyone disappearing for that matter.

 

Not even the other circus employees or performers could tell. They either expressed their grief or attempted to ignore Chanyeol’s inquiries in a hurry (which was honestly intriguing and suspicious for Chanyeol).

 

And yet no matter how inherently good people can be, no one tried to actually show Chanyeol the same worry. A guest just disappeared in the circus for god’s sake. Wouldn’t anyone or the circus for that matter be worried? Wouldn’t a single disappearance taint the circus’ reputation with regards to safety and security for its visitors?

 

Shouldn’t the circus executives or superiors be at the very least vocal about this matter?

 

“You should leave. The circus is closing soon.” The employee tells him after minutes of silence, as they watch the circus crowd thin to the orange sun slowly setting down.

 

“And why can’t you understand that I couldn’t?” Chanyeol grumbles.

 

“There is nothing I can do.”

 

“I thought we had established that in the beginning already.” Chanyeol mutters, resting his head on his crossed arms.

 

“But wherever he is, I hope he is safe. That’s the only thing I can tell you.”

 

Chanyeol hums but his subtle nod goes noticed. “Thank you. I hope so too.”

 

“Kyungsoo!” Then he hears someone call out as footsteps approach them. He looks up to see a pale man in black skinny jeans and a red robe clasped around his shoulders. His expression is strict, a contrast to the softness of his features.

 

The employee stands up and brushes off any dirt from his pants before bowing to the newcomer who stands before him.

 

“Yixing.”

 

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be minding your own chores by now?”

 

“I’m sorry, sir, but this gentleman wouldn’t leave no matter how many times I asked him to.”

 

Chanyeol grunts before exasperatingly saying, “My boyfriend went missing the moment the magician opened his box, why can’t you of all people get me?!”

 

Yixing’s eyes meet Kyungsoo’s, sort of as if a silent conversation is shared between them. “Kyungsoo, go.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Kyungsoo says before departing.

 

“Your boyfriend disappeared, you say?” Yixing asks, taking Kyungsoo’s previous spot on the wet sodded dirt beside Chanyeol. Chanyeol nods, still looking away into the direction of the clustered tents where a few remaining visitors linger by for pictures.

 

“Yes.”

 

“During a magic act.”

 

“A magic act, why yes.”

 

“Hmm. I did hear about that rumor flying around the circus of a man going into hysterics. I can’t seem to recall all the details but that doesn’t matter. You can tell me yourself.”

 

And it’s when Chanyeol recalls his day, from the moment they arrived to their shared experience in the The Lost tent—to which Yixing purses his lips and nods vigorously at—to the time Baekhyun is chosen among the thick crowd by the magician and finally disappears...Chanyeol desperately hopes not for good.

 

“Well, Chanyeol… I am sorry to hear that. Although I cannot deny, the circus has been running for centuries. It has had its fair share of malfunctions but certainly not to an extent such as this.”

 

“Malfunctions? You make it sound like it’s all a trick.” Chanyeol points out.

 

Yixing shakes his head. “Oh no, real magic goes around here.”

 

“Then, will you tell me where Baekhyun is?”

 

“I’m sorry but I cannot.”

 

“So you know where he is.” Chanyeol tries again.

 

“Even if I really did, it is beyond my capacity or authority to do so.” Yixing says, his tone respectful but with finality. His eyes don’t give out any emotion but his presence beside Chanyeol then was unthreatening and calming.

 

But Chanyeol’s had enough. He was tired of people pushing and leading him into circles. He stands up, screams, furiously grips at his hair and releases all the pent up emotion in him as Yixing could only watch in silence.

 

“We were supposed to get married! I was supposed to get down on my knees, show him the ring I bought that almost led us into bankruptcy but I couldn’t let that happen so I worked my ass for it and five salaries later, here it is in all its glamour. But it’s nothing now. Nothing of importance to me, not when my only source of light was taken to only god knows where and none of you could tell me.”

 

Chanyeol tosses the ring to the ground and walks away, his figure slouched and pace somber, the perfect depiction of a lonely desolate man walking under the rain.

 

Yixing reaches out to pull the ring out where it landed in the mud a few meters away and wipes it clean with his robe sleeve.

 

He raises it up above his eyes and watches as it glints under the rays that peek out of the stormy clouds.

 

_This will make a fine addition to my act._

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol wakes up in the sensation of falling, his head hitting his car roof with an audible thud from sitting up abruptly. He howls from the pain, further stimulated by his back sore from sleeping in the driver’s seat. His joints ache and his legs strain from being compressed in a tight space for a long time. Nevertheless, Chanyeol ignores the pain, one goal in mind.

 

But when his eyes finally focus from being briefly exposed to the glaring rays of morning sun that filter through his windows, his blood runs cold.

 

What was once a plain of red and white tents now rested emptily before him, the grass untrampled on and remnants such as circus flyers or the occasional litter of trash nowhere to be seen.

 

 The circus before him was gone.

 

 

 

 

 

For years, Chanyeol’s frequented the vast corners of the internet, in search of dozens and thousands of online portals that devoted themselves with anything in relevance to the circus. It is on these online forums did Chanyeol post all information regarding Baekhyun’s disappearance. As much as the forum users or moderators did to help him, his search for his lover continues to rest at a dead end.

 

Which is why Chanyeol’s resorted to other means, that which included the authorities. Today, he was on his way to the police precinct, a pack of sushi dangling from one hand.

 

As soon as he arrives, he navigates his way to one of the offices, not even bothering to knock on the door and entering uninvited instead. “Minseok hyung…” Said male sighs from his seat, legs resting on the desk before him. His police uniform’s specked by cracker crumbs but is nevertheless clean and pressed, a testament to his rather respectable reputation but reckless and uncaring attitude.

 

It was a wonder for Chanyeol himself to have the guy on Baekhyun’s case in the first place but he was good, if not the best, in the whole country for someone like him to depend on.  

 

“Chanyeol, you know I hate to say this but I have nothing new for you.” Minseok regretfully tells him, getting up from his seat and approaching the man by the entrance.

 

“Then do something about it.” Chanyeol pleads, the same tone in his voice that Minseok’s had memorized over and over again throughout the years.

 

Minseok’s had his doubts, especially when the disappearance of Byun Baekhyun reached its third year. Minseok was this close to shutting the case for good but Chanyeol’s visited the office everyday without fail, the same sad—so, so sad—expression marring his handsome face that Minseok would reconsider.

 

It was the tall man that made him stay, despite the number of cases offered to him that was very confident he’d solved. “We are, Chanyeol. We all are.”

 

Chanyeol nods, places the sushi on the desk and goes home.

 

 

 

 

 

But is it home, really?

 

Every time the door shuts behind him and the lights flicker on, Chanyeol goes weary. Everywhere he looks, everywhere he turns, reminds him of the smaller male.

 

His shoes that Chanyeol used to tease him about for the size continue to rest by the door, His branded Supreme hoodies remain hung on the wall which Chanyeol makes sure to wash them every week.

 

In the cupboards are Baekhyun’s favourite cereals and snacks—way past their expiration date for Chanyeol couldn’t find it himself to throw them out. And sitting beside his own mug is the blue one, a drawing of a corgi painted on it that would change color every time Baekhyun poured his favourite latte in it.

 

And in their shared bedroom was a more extreme case. No matter how many times Chanyeol washed the sheets to rid of the smell, it was futile. The sheets, the pillows, the blankets: they all smelled like Baekhyun.

 

It was too much for Chanyeol as he feels the tears pooling in his eyes and soon enough, he’s running out the door and into his car towards somewhere he calls refuge far from the home he used to call home.

 

 

 

 

 

“Chanyeol hyung...” Sehun softly calls out once he’s brought out the spare pillows and blanket from his cabinet and into the living room where the tall male sulks on the couch, a familiar scene Sehun’s acquainted himself with in the past years.

 

He was about to head to bed himself when he hears the panic knocking on his door and sees Chanyeol on the other side. The blonde barely said a word as he let the distraught male in, already knowing what he needed to do.

 

Sehun sits on the other couch, a mug of hot chocolate in his hand. The clock says eleven thirty in the evening and every minute that passed did things to Chanyeol’s dark exhausted eyes, the circles under it deepening and making the 27 year old look older than what he’s supposed to be.

 

“This is not healthy, anymore.” He says, taking in the comfort of the heat wafting of his drink. “It’s been three years. You can’t let your memories of him haunt you forever. If he saw you like this, he would tell you to just let go... and move on.”

 

“It’s only been three years, Sehun.” Chanyeol corrects, his own hot chocolate barely touched. “If I’ve known this would happen, I wouldn’t have waited five years to propose to him, damn it. But it’s only just been three years.”

 

“And the boss is out of his mind worrying about you.” Sehun points out. “He’s worried this will affect your performance at work, especially now that we’ve recently clinched the deal with one of our major investors and he’d hate to relieve an employee like you of his post, hyung. You know you’re his favourite.”

 

“Then, he must understand that this isn’t merely something you just drop and move on from.”

 

“It is, hyung.” Sehun argues. “It is, only if you let yourself.”

 

And then Chanyeol looks at him in the eye, flashbacks of Sehun and other men and women he’s linked to playing in his mind.

 

“Oh, Sehun.” Chanyeol sighs. “How could someone like you ever understand?”

 

 

 

 

 

Shortly after, Sehun left him and bade him good night although Chanyeol can tell the younger male was offended by his remark.

 

Chanyeol didn’t really mean it but he’s had to make his point to someone like Sehun who was the social butterfly he knew, the kind of butterfly that fluttered from one person to the next, looking for the type of unadulterated fun that only lasts for a night.

 

Suddenly, his laptop rings out a soft _ding_ , an email notification lighting up on the screen. Chanyeol slowly bends down to squint at it in the dark but the subject matter brings out a choked gasp from his throat and he scrambles to straighten himself to read it.

 

Jongdae Kim <jongdaekim@gmail.com>                                          12:18 AM (0 minutes ago)

to me

July 20 Details

 

Hey, you’re Park Chanyeol right?

 

Are you still looking for Byun Baekhyun?

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae Kim <jongdaekim@gmail.com>                                          1:23 AM (14 minutes ago)

to me

July 24 Details

 

I’m Kim Jongdae. I’m studying Music in Sweden. And I had enough of college. Thought it would be great to take a break, you know? All I ever did was go to class, then go home the following afternoon listening to the same crap material over and over again. It was stressing me out. At this point, there was no way I could ace my orals if I had this sort of attitude in me.

 

That was when I found out about a circus rolling in town. Nothing new about it, since Sweden’s had its share of circus in the past three years I’ve been here but something about this circus this time, people said, was different.

 

I don’t know what kind of different it is but it piqued my interest so I went to the circus on its third day.

 

I really didn’t know what to expect from it. It looked just like your usual circus until I saw him.

 

I think I have a picture of him. He looked so beautiful, you see, I couldn’t resist. But some douche bumped into me and crushed my phone in the process.

 

I’ll reach back if I manage to salvage it.

 

I hope so because all my college files are in there, damn it!

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae Kim <jongdaekim@gmail.com>                                          2:11 AM (1 minute ago)

to me

July 28 Details

 

Okay, so I couldn’t salvage my phone so it’s officially dead but good news. I’ve been seeing people wearing the same things in the circus. I think they were circus merchandise but not all of them were wearing them. They seem pretty devoted to the circus, if you ask me. All they ever did was talk about it for hours on end. I would know because I literally sat next to them for you, for you who I do not even personally know.

 

But I offered you my help, so maybe these people would help me in return.

 

Heard bits of their conversation here and there and only managed to come up with the information that the circus was heading back to Korea as their next stop in a couple of days.

 

I think it’s the most pretty dang important information that’s what. So, just a heads up. Because you might finally see the person you’ve been looking for.

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae Kim <jongdaekim@gmail.com>                                          12:09 AM (46 minutes ago)

to me

August 4 Details

 

Chanyeol, the circus is coming in three days.

 

 

 

 

 

The circus finally returns, as Jongdae said it would. And on the first day of its Korean leg, Chanyeol finds himself before the circus gates hours before opening.

 

It hasn’t changed much, that Chanyeol can tell. The red and white tents are still as pristine clean as ever, as if they haven’t been exposed to different weather conditions on their countless tours.

 

The mini rides that make the circus sort of like a carnival sits silent in the dark, kids and laughter absent at this time of day.

 

And then, there was the magician’s tent still situated at the highest elevation of the hill, towering over the other tents like it did when Chanyeol first saw it.

 

He once looked at it in awe and wonder. Now, his lips purse as all the same memories come flooding back in his mind, replaying automatically and destroying his views of something he used to look forward to, of a different kind of experience he looked forward to share with his loved one.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol immediately scampers off to the magician’s tent to find Baekhyun as soon as the lights in the circus go on and the ticket booth’s flap rolls up.

 Jongdae said he would find the small male there for apparently, Baekhyun was the new magician. At first, it made Chanyeol confused but eventually, it all made sense what with the disappearance happening on a circus itself.

 

There is no line to the magician’s tent yet as the clock barely just struck nine in the morning and only a few hundred teenagers and couples roamed the tent therefore Chanyeol was the first in line. He was adamant, of course, to wait it out in this summer heat. He’s waited for years, he could definitely spare a few more hours.

 

And it’s when a line starts behind him, and the clock strikes 12 in the afternoon does a circus employee tap Chanyeol on the shoulder and gesture for him to move along into the tent as the show was about to start.

 

So, Chanyeol takes a seat on the first row, his hands sweaty from anticipation. Sehun already told him not to trust Jongdae so easily because anyone could’ve fooled him and had his way with him. But Chanyeol reasoned out it wasn’t something for Jongdae to waste his time on.

 

“I’m sure he isn’t that heartless to trick me all this time.” Chanyeol reasons out to Sehun, taking  a sip of his hot chocolate this time as they lounge back on Sehun’s couch one hot afternoon, TV blaring another sappy rom-com none of them was really watching in the first place. “And why would someone go all the way to do this if it was all just a prank?”

 

“He’s a college student.” Sehun deadpans. “And from his emails and overseas calls, I can definitely say he’s one of those college students.” He adds, eliciting a snort from Chanyeol and a low ‘like you aren’t one of them’ from him. He ignores this, however and continues, “What if he isn’t telling the truth?”

 

“This is the closest lead I’ve ever had in years, Sehun.” Chanyeol tells him, expression serious. “And I’m taking my chances. If you think Jongdae’s telling a lie, then I’ll have to find out myself. So, I’m going back.”

 

Too deep into his thoughts and trepidation, the lights suddenly go out and the crowd shrieks in response, the noise reducing into hushed whispers as one spotlight centers itself on a black box—the same black box Chanyeol was sure of.

 

And then, they hear the thumping of boots against the floor. With it comes the magician who stands himself under the spotlight, red hair like flames dancing to the daft wind that enters the tent. His attire is non-traditional, far from the suit any magician would wear. He’s wearing skinny jeans that hug the thighs that would wrap around Chanyeol’s waist, the silver buttons lining up the sides. His blazer matches that of the color of the hair Chanyeol would grab onto during climax, the material sort of even sparkling under the light.

 

His shirt’s two buttons are unbuttoned, showing the collarbones Chanyeol’s memorized and marked more than a thousand times and then Chanyeol looks up at his kohl-rimmed eyes. The eyes that held all the love and emotion that was reserved for Chanyeol only: the eyes that bled tears when Chanyeol nearly scared him to death for not answering his phone for the whole day or the eyes that bled happy tears whenever so much Chanyeol surprised him with jewellery or another puppy.

 

But this time, they’re dark. Too dark. They don’t sparkle, nor do they hold emotion in it. And all throughout his performance, they remain to be so like a robot void and repressed of any human sensitivity. Soon enough, the performance ends and Chanyeol cannot deny Baekhyun made a beautiful magician. It was in just the way he moved all over the stage or simply tucked his handkerchief back in his pocket. He was a beautiful swan, taking in and basking under the attention of the audience who in no doubt fell in love with him within those few minutes.

 

Unfortunately for them, the show lasted shorter than expected for Baekhyun gives one last bow and smiles in gratitude. But before Chanyeol even gets to call out for his name, the tent is shrouded back into darkness.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol waits until late night for a glimpse of Baekhyun, hoping he would be lucky this time, meeting and reuniting with Kyungsoo in the process. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen more than they already do when they land on him but he manages to compose himself within seconds and sits beside Chanyeol on the same spot, the spot they shared years ago.

 

“You’re still here.” Kyungsoo says and Chanyeol can’t help the smile that spreads across his face.

 

“Didn’t I tell you I wouldn’t leave until I find my boyfriend?” And it’s Kyungsoo’s turn to smile, along with a deep chuckle that escapes his lips.

 

“I hope you find him this time although from the looks of it, you already did.” Kyungsoo tells him, looking at Chanyeol in curiosity and glancing back at the magician’s tent behind them.

 

“I did and I plan to get him back before the circus leaves again.”

 

“How is he?” Kyungsoo asks and Chanyeol looks at him weirdly.

 

“I’m sure you already know but wow...” Chanyeol trails off, sighing. “he looked so breathtaking. Just like he always has been.”

 

Kyungsoo hums in agreement. “He does. Everyone loves him. Adores him, rather. The circus has gotten far more better ever since he got here.”

 

Chanyeol snorts at the absurdity of it. _Wish I can say the same._ “Well, sorry but I’m taking him back.”

 

Kyungsoo looks at him like he always used to, his expression carrying no emotion except for his eyes that seemed to defy it. “Good luck with that.”

 

And then he sees his little one walk across the circus grounds, his cry dying out in his throat as he watches his boyfriend fling himself into the arms of another man and crash his lips against his.

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun away from the man and Baekhyun, shocked, tugs his arm away as he looks at Chanyeol in distaste.

 

“What the hell were you doing?!” Chanyeol, who had let his emotions take over him, blurt the very first thing he could manage. Baekhyun’s eyes narrow in rage as they look up at Chanyeol, his lips curling into a sneer.

 

“And what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Baekhyun roars back, oblivious to the crowd of onlookers that slowly gather to watch. “Who are you?!”

 

Then, Chanyeol felt like a bucket of water crashed onto him. He stands there, gaping at the seething small male, shocked to hear those words come out of him. Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun in the eye, looking for any sign that he might be joking or pulling a trick on him like he always did but all they had in them was fury.

 

“You don’t remember me?” Chanyeol asks, his voice breaking and the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “You don’t remember who I am?”

 

Baekhyun scoffs and shakes his head. “No, I do not.”

 

Chanyeol’s suddenly drained of all the energy, of all hope of ever reuniting with his boyfriend again for this man before him only stared at him in distaste, disbelief, things Chanyeol’s never seen him look him with.

 

“You don’t remember me? Park Chanyeol?” Chanyeol asks, trying again but Baekhyun only scrunches his forehead and shakes his head.

 

“I... don’t think we really met. I’m sorry, you must’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

 

“No!” Chanyeol says, never minding the crowd that increases this time. “I remember you clearly. As clear as the day I saw you in high school. As clear as the day you told me that you’d be my boyfriend.” Chanyeol tells him, smiling lovingly at him as Baekhyun continues to furrow his eyebrows. “And because of that, how could I ever mistake you for someone else? There’s no one else I look at, no one else that’s as beautiful and as gorgeous as you, no one else I could call mine but you.”

 

Chanyeol approaches him, arms desperately wanting to wrap themselves around the petite male but Baekhyun backs away every time Chanyeol takes a step forward, until his back meets the man he’s been found kissing.

 

Chanyeol stops in his tracks, remembering the man who now has his arms wrapped protectively around Baekhyun’s waist and soon, Chanyeol is filled with jealousy as he eyes him gently nuzzling his chin on Baekhyun’s head, as he whispers into his ear; his thick lips caressing the same ears he used to nuzzle against and he snaps.

 

“I’m your boyfriend! We’d used to study in college together, we’d used to do the groceries together, we’d used to live under one roof together, and we’d used to have amazing delicious sex together that in those vulnerable moments, I found myself falling and falling harder for you until I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to make you mine. Officially. And when I finally had the guts to, you disappeared right under my nose.”

 

The crowd lets out a collective gasp and murmurs pass around them, gossip of Chanyeol’s confession slowly making its waves through the circus and the circus-goers. Kyungsoo steps forward, putting a tight grip on Chanyeol’s shoulder as if he was beckoning him away from the commotion but Chanyeol stays put, watching the emotions shift on Baekhyun’s face until they fade out and there is nothing on it but blankness.

 

And on Chanyeol watches as Baekhyun turns his back to him, pulling on the arms of the sun-kissed man behind him, leaving the rest of the crowd and most especially Chanyeol without any closure or a word from his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

“Junmyeon, I want to leave now.” Kyungsoo hears Baekhyun say the moment he enters the coach meant to be exclusive for any of the circus’ employees. But as time went by, Junmyeon had it converted as one of his offices wherein anyone of them could still freely come in to no matter how busy Junmyeon could get. The mentioned man merely gives out a curious hum as he continues to sift through the tons of paperwork piled on his desk.

 

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon asks him, his eyes never leaving his desk. “You wanted to head out and see the city? I mean, you’re free to do so you know. I know it’s been years since we all returned.”

 

“No!” Baekhyun says, stomping his foot on the ground. “I meant I want to leave Korea.” At this, Junmyeon looks up at him. “Now.”

 

Junmyeon finally takes a seat on his chair and lets out a groan from bending down too long. Kyungsoo stands up from the corner to help him get comfortable before Junmyeon gives out a relaxed sigh and pats his hand in gratitude.

 

“But we just got here, Baekhyun.” Junmyeon reminds him. Baekhyun huffs and crosses his arms across his chest, refusing to take a seat as Junmyeon was motioning for him to do.

 

“I know that, hyung but...”

 

“But?” Junmyeon asks, encouraging Baekhyun to continue.

 

“There’s this annoying guy!” And Junmyeon only raises an eyebrow.

 

“Baekhyun, not to be rude but what’s new?” Junmyeon asks him. “You’ve always had men—and girls alike—pining after you. What makes this one so difficult that you would want to cancel all your other shows for the rest of the week?”

 

Baekhyun grunts and finally sits down on one of Junmyeon’s lavish velvet couches, the pout on his face ridding him of the usual hard demeanour Baekhyun always had on.

 

“He follows me around, trying to convince me that he’s my boyfriend and that he’s been looking for me for years.” He finally tells him, an exhausted sigh following suit.

 

Junmyeon halts in his writing, the ink out of his pen blotting and seeping through the paper from being suspended too long. Junmyeon slowly looks up at Baekhyun, face unreadable as Kyungsoo stands beside him in silence. “Is that so?”

 

Baekhyun nods vigorously, moving around in his seat. “He won’t stop no matter how much I tell him to. You can even ask Kyungsoo about it! One time, he tripped over Jongin’s dog from running after me. We were only taking Monggu out for a walk but really, why would there be a civilian on the circus grounds after closing?! I’m this close to doing something really drastic to him!”

 

“Now, Baekhyun. That won’t be necessary.” Junmyeon tells him, attempting to calm the boy down with an offer of biscuits. “Why don’t you just stop and listen to what he has to say?”

 

“What?!” Baekhyun gasps, wide eyed, the biscuit hanging out of his mouth. “But hyung! He got so close to actually dragging me and taking me away!”

 

“Only because I’m assuming you did something equally extreme to him.” Baekhyun mutters under his breath but Junmyeon couldn’t care less, only choosing to smile at him. He knew him very well, you see.

 

“Just try to hear him out, Baekhyun. He’s obviously waited this long for you.” Junmyeon suggests, going back to his long overdue load he could’ve finished minutes ago if it weren’t for the distraction that came in the form of the young magician. “And when that doesn’t work, come back to me.”

 

Kyungsoo eyes Junmyeon in surprise, identifying the meaning in those words so his mouth opens as if he was ready to argue back but Junmyeon’s expression stops him and he nods in submission, watching Baekhyun heave a long sigh and stomp out of the office.

 

It was the third day of the circus and Chanyeol was early as usual and off to the magician’s tent. He’s frequented the circus so much that the seller at the ticket booth simply let him in without charge waving away any of Chanyeol’s attempts at paying his share.

 

All this time, Chanyeol’s tried to get Baekhyun to listen to him even just for a second but the small male would either refuse or run the opposite direction whenever he sees him. It has also come to the point that Baekhyun stopped roaming around the circus grounds like the rest of the circus performers would do once they finished their act so Chanyeol decided this day would be an exception.

 

On his way to the magician’s tent, however, a familiar male by the ride entrances catches his eyes. His blond hair still the color of corn and the familiar robe still clasped on his shoulders. Not a lot of visitors were around the circus at this time of the day for the summer heat becomes too unbearable for anyone to tolerate but Chanyeol or the male doesn’t seem to mind, judging from the smile he throws his way.

 

Chanyeol hesitates in caution as the male slowly approaches him, a kind smile adorning his face.

 

 “You are Park Chanyeol, yes?” The male asks in his ever light voice, tone relaxed contrary to when they spoke years ago. “I suppose you remember me?” He tilts his head to the side with a grin, looking expectantly at Chanyeol.

 

“Of course.” Chanyeol tells him. “Yixing, right?”

 

Yixing grins, his teeth white under the summer sun. “So, you’re off to the magician’s tent I assume?”

 

Chanyeol nods, not knowing what to say when this man displays such a turn of attitude, like he didn’t boast of a hostile attitude when they first met. However, he lets the small blonde walk by his side, silence shared between them surprisingly comfortable as Chanyeol delves deeper into his thoughts.

 

Chanyeol surprises the other when he chooses to take a seat before the magician’s tent, as opposed to going in and watching the show. Yixing eyes him questioningly but still manages to sit beside Chanyeol, watching as hundreds of visitors make their way into the tent for Baekhyun’s show that was starting in a few minutes.

 

“You’re not watching?” Yixing asks. Chanyeol shakes his head, leaning back on his arms and stretching his legs in front of him.

 

“No. I thought maybe he’d be happier to see me absent in the crowd.” Chanyeol chuckles. “He looked distracted and pissed whenever he saw me in one of his performances, you see.”

 

“Then what do you plan to do today?”

 

“I thought I’d wait it out and give him the space he needed.” Chanyeol replies. “He doesn’t remember me at all. Surely anyone with a ‘stalker’—or so he calls—like me would’ve had enough. Besides, I didn’t want him to think less of me.” He murmurs the last sentence so Yixing barely hears it. “Not now when all he ever did was look at me in pride.”

 

“He did.” Yixing agrees and Chanyeol looks at him curiously.  

 

“And how would you know?”

 

Yixing grins at him, shocking Chanyeol at the knowing glint in his eyes. “I just know.”

 

 

 

 

 

Roughly thirty to forty minutes after, people start to flood out of the magician’s tent in high spirits and constant vigorous chattering about the performance. Chanyeol and Yixing merely watch as they attempt to avoid the circus-goers from trampling over them on their way back to the other tents and attractions.

 

Moments later, Baekhyun appears, hair styled in its usual parted way and thick kohl framing his eyes but he dons a different suit. His blazer is made of white but its pockets are red in an intensity that matches its owner’s glare as he looks down at Chanyeol.

 

“Baekhyun...” Chanyeol gasps, scrambling up. Yixing stays seated on the grass, legs crossed, watching the scene unfold before him. Baekhyun grunts a greeting before awkwardly standing by his circus tent, Chanyeol taking in all of Baekhyun with his eyes that roam all over him in shocked relief.

 

“Why didn’t you watch the show?” Baekhyun asks, taking Chanyeol by surprise.

 

“Well, I thought you wanted a change of scenery I guess?” Chanyeol replies. “I wanted to give you some space.”

 

“Before you go back to annoying me again.” Baekhyun says as a matter of fact and Chanyeol chuckles before nodding.

 

“Thought you’d miss me and come running back.” Chanyeol teases and Baekhyun scoffs, rolling his eyes.

 

“As if.” Baekhyun says. “Alright, just get on with it. Jongin’s waiting for me.”

 

Chanyeol grits his teeth at the mention of the man he saw Baekhyun with the past few days. Apparently, Jongin was a circus performer, having an acrobatic tent of his own, and Baekhyun’s partner as Yixing told him.

 

He didn’t understand what he meant by the title but it was probably nothing for him to worry about and yet he wouldn’t deny he saw the man as a grave threat.

 

“Oh!” Yixing exclaims, standing up and adjusting his robe that started to fall off his shoulders. “Should I leave you two alone?”

 

“Yes please, hyung.” Baekhyun says. “I don’t want you to witness any sort of brutality that may occur anytime soon. I only want to preserve your innocence.”

 

Yixing growls and playfully pushes Baekhyun on the shoulder. “You say that as if your countless dilly-dallying with Jongin don’t even matter.” Chanyeol feels something in him boil in fury at the thought of Baekhyun with someone else but both of the men might’ve felt the aura radiating off him because Baekhyun starts to sway on the heels of his feet awkwardly and Yixing rubs Chanyeol’s shoulder comfortably.

 

“I’ll see you later.” He bids them goodbye before running off to the food stalls.

 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun watch the blonde run off before Baekhyun huffs and proceeds to give Chanyeol his attention. “Talk.”

 

They find a comfortable place behind the magician’s tent where the tent’s shadow provided them shade and the nearby trees directed them a refreshing breeze. They sit on the grass, occasionally leaning their backs against the tent, drowning out the faint noises of the circus.

 

Baekhyun is starting to grow annoyed, noticing how the minutes have passed without Chanyeol even saying a word or sparing him a glance. All the taller did was look into the distance, where the circus ended and the forest spreads after it. Baekhyun takes this opportunity then to observe the taller in silence.

 

How the taller looked so handsome, his wide eyes beautiful as well as the long lashes that frame it. How his jaw looked so sharp and defined, protruding under the skin. Or how his lips looked so thick, it was tempting Baekhyun to kiss them. Let’s not forget the ears that pull out more than the usual, giving him quite a comical but kinder appearance that is hidden by the thick eyebrows that slant over his eyes.

 

Something about him was familiar, Baekhyun couldn’t deny, but it was probably because the taller has annoyed him more than any of his suitors did that Baekhyun found his constant presence an addition to his everyday routine.

 

“Are you ever going to talk or not?” Baekhyun asks, annoyed. “Jongin’s waiting for me.” He gets a grunt out of this in response.

 

“Look, I’m leaving.” Baekhyun tells him, standing up. “You’re only wasting my time.”

 

“Wait!” Chanyeol gasps, pulling at Baekhyun’s wrist to stop him.

 

“Now you choose to talk?!” Baekhyun shrieks. “Unbelievable! What do you think you’re trying to—“

 

But his words taper off when a pair of lips land on his own. The same pair of lips he’s been ogling a couple of minutes ago. The same pair of lips he thought about wanting to taste and now that he’s had, he finds himself craving for more.

 

So, he wraps his arms around broad shoulders and tilts his head in the process for Chanyeol was definitely a head taller and he finds that arousing and attractive. Their lips clash and battle for dominance, but Baekhyun whimpers as he slowly loses the fight, surrendering himself wholly to the tall male, a tongue poking out to lick his lips in invitation to open up.

 

He groans and more of them are swallowed as Chanyeol’s kisses go rougher and his hands roam lower and lower down his body. Chanyeol pulls him closer than ever—not even a piece of paper could cram itself in between—and Baekhyun’s hands find new purchase on the brown locks that are soft to the touch.

 

He’s lightheaded, probably because of the lack of air between them, but probably also because of the realization that all of the sensations that run amok through his body are those that he feels whenever he fools around with Jongin but they are raw and more intense with Chanyeol.

 

If Baekhyun would liken himself to something, he would be fire and Chanyeol would be fuel that only intensified the heat in his body.

 

And it is this familiar but new feeling that has Baekhyun pulling away, his lips tingling and swollen from Chanyeol’s roughness. Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol with frantic eyes as Chanyeol in turn catches his breath and runs a hand through his messy hair. Baekhyun feels weak at the mere sight and it’s then that realizations crash over him again and he stutters the words he’s meaning to say but Chanyeol beats himself to it.

 

“Didn’t you feel it?” Chanyeol asks him, his voice an octave deeper. “The connection, the attraction we have for each other? You felt it, right? How it felt so familiar, how it felt like home?”

 

“Home?” Baekhyun repeats. “The circus is my home, what would you know of it? Besides, it was probably just a fluke, a heat of the moment thing—“

 

“No.” Chanyeol insists. “You know it’s far from that.”

 

“Whatever!” Baekhyun exclaims, brushing it aside. “You can’t just go around kissing people!”

 

“But you never once pushed away.” Chanyeol points out. “You could’ve pushed me away, punched me for it then leave me in the dirt. But you didn’t. Because you liked it, just like you’ve always did.”

 

“If I did then I wouldn’t have forgot you!” Baekhyun argues back, his hands enclosed into fists by his sides. “I’m a lost cause. I’m bipolar, a brat, I was told I’m obnoxious and selfish and maybe that’s why nobody could like me as much as fall in love with me. In other words, I’m a lousy boyfriend to have and if I were you, I’d give up.”

 

“You’re asking me to give up on you when I accepted all of you and your flaws?!” Chanyeol shrieks. “You’re asking me to cast aside all the times I put up with you?! Or the times you couldn’t decide whether to go out with eyeliner or not?! Byun Baekhyun, I decided to marry you despite all that, just open your heart for me and feel.”

 

Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol, the sort of smile that’s in amusement but at the same time, pity.

 

“I can’t believe someone like you exists. How someone such as you would go on with life, looking for the one thing that’s missing in it. You passed a lot of opportunities, suspended living, just to take me back. You were probably the best boyfriend, if what you’re saying is true.” He muses.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t know when but the first tear falls and he watches it land on the grass below him. He looks up at him and smiles despite the tears that blur his vision. “I was and you never failed to tell me or show me that. So, let me show you now.”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head. “I cannot have a future with you, Park Chanyeol, nor can I relieve the past. I belong in this circus now but you certainly don’t belong with me anymore. I’m sorry.”

 

And with one last fleeting look at him, Baekhyun turns his back to Chanyeol—the way he once did, entering the magician’s box—and leaves, sparing him no glance nor noticing the small figure that watches the whole scene in the comfort of the shadows.

   

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol wakes up to the night sky, a few twinkling stars already peeking their way out of the clouds. His cheeks are sticky from his tears and the mud seep through his dress shirt, dirtying it in the process. His back screams in pain from lying down on the rough uneven ground but he doesn’t seem to mind it for there is a pain greater in his chest triggered when Baekhyun left him without hope of them ever getting their lives back.

 

He groans as he sits up, remembering the excessive vibrating of his phone the one thing that woke him up. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that Sehun’s left him dozens of messages. It was probably work-related but that be damned, Chanyeol thought, when there is nothing to work for anymore.

 

He picks up his jacket from the ground, satisfied at the very least that it remains unsoiled from the mud. He wears it now that the night wind’s gotten colder and he feels his sinuses throbbing. He slowly makes his way back into the common circus grounds, walking past and in between happy couples and families. He keeps his eyes on the ground, dejected and mind blank. He lets his feet take him wherever it may go but not without bumping into a few visitors.

 

One of them stops him as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up, never minding how he may look to a complete stranger but it appears it is not just some random passerby that stops him. Rather, it was the same man whose kept hair is gelled to perfection except for the single flock that falls over his eyes. He’s not wearing his tailor suit tonight but a more comfortable get-up consisting of a dress shirt, a sweater and a trench coat.

 

Chanyeol looks around to see that he has roamed far from the circus grounds and into where the massive garbage disposals lay. “You! I know you! You were the magician from three years ago!”

 

“You should watch where you’re going.”

 

“Don’t put up with that shit right now because I swear to god...” Chanyeol trails off, growling as he tugs his shoulder away. “Not when you’ve taken my boyfriend away from me.”

 

“Baekhyun...” Junmyeon says. “he is yours?”

 

“Was once mine but not anymore, I guess.” Chanyeol sighs, his heart constricting at the words. “And it’s all because of you.”

 

To both of their surprise, Chanyeol’s fist swing at Junmyeon’s face and the latter stumbles down, a cut on his lip. Chanyeol roars and lunges at him, his punches being met by Junmyeon until one of his lands at his jaw and he falls back, howling in pain.

 

Junmyeon pulls up him by the collar, surprisingly strong that Chanyeol struggles to pull away from his grip but he is only dragged somewhere much more hidden back at the garbage bins.

 

Then, he releases his grip on Chanyeol and so, he springs back up body in a defensive stance as he eyes Junmyeon down, challenging him to continue what was started. But Jumyeon only stands there, wiping away at the blood on his lips and falls on his knees.

 

It baffled Chanyeol to see the other man giving up so early into a fight but Junmyeon stays prostrated on the dirty trash-lidded ground and suddenly, bows deeper until his head completely rests down.

 

“I had to do something, somehow.” Chanyeol hears Junmyeon mumble. “I had to find a way to save the circus. If I stepped down on my magician act with no one to take my place, the circus wouldn’t have much fuel to run on.” He lifts his head up to look at Chanyeol in the eye, as if he were trying to convey the regret and guilt that’s bubbling up his throat. “I didn’t take consideration of the people I may hurt in the process but I needed to do what a proprietor’s son had to do. I became selfish, stole a person away from the comfortable life he lived before taking my place as rightful leader.”

 

“You were selfish enough to subject a person into something he hasn’t asked for.” Chanyeol sneers. “Now, are you still going to be selfish and keep him all to yourself?”

 

Junmyeon’s expression grows determined as his jaw clenches and blood continues to land on the collars of his shirt. “Not anymore.”

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun sits beside Jongin in Junmyeon’s office, along with the rest of the circus performers and employees. Their Korean leg was ending soon and everyone was celebrating for the initial success that is projected to go on until they leave for their next stop. Drinks are passed on from one person to another in ways a circus would have it. He’s declined most of the drinks offered to him, except for the martini Jongin hands him hours into the party.

 

He’s still distracted by the kiss from earlier on. It should’ve meant nothing but Chanyeol made it seem like it meant something. Nevertheless, he felt something for Chanyeol but he cannot put a finger on it. He couldn’t understand the natural attraction he feels towards the tall male from just one steamy kiss. Not even Jongin’s advances were enough to pull him out of his reverie. It has come to a point where he stopped Jongin’s hands that lingered on his shirt buttons, causing the male to grumble and stomp away into Kyungsoo’s welcoming comfort.

 

With Jongin’s departure, he feels the couch sink to find Yixing has taken his place beside him, a glass of wine in his hand. Yixing looks at him curiously, the eyes giving away the questions Yixing’s yet to ask. Baekhyun sighs and shakes his head before ignoring Yixing’s presence for the whole night when said male whispers in his ear, “So, did it really mean nothing to you?”

 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, shocked but he already knows what Yixing was talking about. Yixing slouches back on the couch, his wine sloshing and dripping on the velvet material.

 

“The kiss, I mean.” Yixing replies. “Your face says it all like you aren’t sure what to make of it.”

 

Baekhyun takes a hand to rub on his forehead. “It’s just a kiss. Any kiss could be as good as that one felt.”

 

“Yeah but it’s not just simply a kiss, you know.” Yixing counters. “You knew what Chanyeol was going through and now, you’re not sure whether it’s true or not.”

 

“He could’ve just mistaken me for someone else that looks a lot like me.” Baekhyun tells him. “I lived with the circus all my life. Why would I have a boyfriend outside of it?”

 

Yixing gives him a look and stands up, offering a hand for Baekhyun to take. “Come with me. It’s too loud to talk in here. Let’s go to my tent.”

 

“Yixing, your tent sucks.” Baekhyun teases. Yixing clicks his tongue, not the least bit offended with the remark.

 

“Let’s hear you say that again when I’m through with you. Now, come on.” Yixing insists, pulling Baekhyun up and out of the frenzied commotion.

 

 

 

 

 

“You added a few more stuff to your act huh, hyung.” Baekhyun comments, looking around the shelves that make up the inside of the tent, piled with dozens of various objects. Baekhyun picks a Chinese doll in reference and waves it at Yixing. “Like this one.”

 

“Oh, I bought it at an antiques shop back in China a year ago.” Yixing tells him. “It was one of a kind, I couldn’t resist.”

 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Baekhyun murmurs as the images of a bloody couple and a small girl clutching the same doll enter his mind. “So, what is there to talk about?”

 

“Why don’t I just show you?” Yixing says, waving him over to where he’s bent over at the last row of shelves, holding a velvet box in hand.

 

“What’s this?” Baekhyun murmurs mostly to himself and pops the box open to reveal a beautiful gold band. “Is this a wedding ring?”

 

Yixing only smiles and excitedly gestures for him to wear it. “Wear it on your finger and feel.”

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun is overwhelmed by the surge of emotions brought to him by the promise ring. Memories of his old life come back to his mind, clear as day. He never once thought they existed but here they are, flooding back into his mind like it were some sort of downloadable file. These memories were suppressed, hidden at the back of his mind in a blur.

 

Soon enough, he finds himself crying and crying as he realized that the emptiness he feels in him fill up with the memories that come, overwhelming his mind. Suddenly he’s crying harder to realize he just pushed his true love away. So, it was true. What Chanyeol was telling him was true.

 

He sees various memories that were first unclear to him fill with the presence of Chanyeol. He was all there no matter what, like the time Baekhyun thought he cried alone kneeling by his parents’ tombs. Apparently, Chanyeol was there standing a few meters away, giving Baekhyun the time to grieve on his own.

 

Or like the time Baekhyun saw himself being rushed to the hospital when his system failed on him, his parents’ sudden deaths taking its toll on him. But Chanyeol was also there, running behind the nurses, eyes bulging in panic and tears streaming down his face.

 

Even before he gets the chance to recall all of them, Yixing shows him another ring, this time a ring of diamond covered in its velvet blue box. He gestures for Baekhyun to remove the gold band and wear the other instead. Hands shaking, Baekhyun gasps as he sees the possible scenarios run through him as he puts on the wedding ring.

 

 

 

 

 

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun shrieks, running around the circus frantically looking for the taller male. “Chanyeol!” He continues to call out, never minding the circus-goers that look at him or the people who could only be his fans that scramble to gush over him.

 

“Chanyeol!” His voice is hoarse as it starts to crack, feeling helpless to see the taller male was not around the circus anymore. Could it mean that the male finally got up and went? Could it be that Chanyeol heeded his words and decided to give up on Baekhyun, as Baekhyun initially wanted?

 

The possibilities were endless and it made Baekhyun hiccup as the strong wave of sadness overcome him but then, someone tugs at his wrist and he looks behind him to see Park Chanyeol looking at him in worry.

 

“Baekhyun?” Chanyeol asks. “Baekhyun, why? I’m here, it’s okay.”

 

Whatever Chanyeol wanted to say next goes unheard for Baekhyun crashes his lips against his, pouring all the pent-up emotion in it, relieved and puzzle pieces clacking in his head. This time, he doesn’t shy away from the intensity of the kiss—not like he’s ever did—nor does he pull away because everything finally makes sense.

 

Once the memories returned, Baekhyun cried a whole hour on Yixing’s shoulder, conflicted at his very situation: of how he thought life wasn’t lived out of the circus and that from the very beginning, it was where he belonged all along in the arms of someone he constantly pushed and rejected away.

 

But the old Baekhyun loved him. And apparently all this time, he never ceased loving him.

  

“Let’s run away from here.” Chanyeol breathes out, tears uncontrollably falling from his cheeks. His grin is too wide and his veins are surging with newfound energy brought by the happiness he’s feeling, a happiness he once lost and now finally got back. “Let’s start over again. Somewhere else this time. With no one else but us.” His grip on Baekhyun’s waist tighten.

 

“Yes,” Baekhyun breathes out as well, leaning back in to savor Chanyeol’s lips. “yes, yes. I would go anywhere with you. Take me away.” Baekhyun tells him in between drawing back and forth in kissing Chanyeol.

 

“But the circus.” Baekhyun tells him. Chanyeol looks back questioningly, his hands tightening around the waist more than ever, panic overwhelming him at the implications of what Baekhyun uttered. But Baekhyun only caresses Chanyeol’s face in soft tenderness and reassurance, the same feeling echoed through Baekhyun’s gaze and eyes.

 

“No, I’m leaving the circus.” Baekhyun tells him seriously. “I’m leaving with you. But I can’t just go without telling Junmyeon and the others about it. The circus,” Baekhyun trails off, his eyes wandering around the circus grounds. “has been my home. And even though it was not the home I grew up in, it sheltered the people I came to recognize as my family over the years of being with them. They were kind to me no matter what and I owe them my survival.”

 

Baekhyun’s hands fall from Chanyeol’s face to lace themselves in Chanyeol’s own. “Just let me tell Junmyeon about it. He wouldn’t be happy to know his famed magician’s leaving but that’s his problem now.” Baekhyun giggles and Chanyeol giggles back.

 

“Then I’ll go with you because I’m never letting you out of my sight from now on.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Junmyeon hyung.” Baekhyun greets, the moment the door to Junmyeon’s office opens. Chanyeol enters the coach cautiously but Baekhyun’s tight grip on his hand calms him down. The said male has his back on them, his front facing the fireplace that cackled as the flames danced to the wind that enters through the open door.

 

The two lovers approach him slowly and they see the man’s expression highlighted in red and orange. It may have seemed a threatening view to see but Junmyeon’s face bore nothing but serenity, swollen lips pursed but eyes kind. He looks at them when they come in close contact and furrows his eyebrows at Baekhyun.

 

“You’re still here?”

 

Baekhyun gawks as Chanyeol stares on. “Y-you knew I was leaving?”

 

“Of course.” Junmyeon chirps. “What kind of a proprietor would I be if I knew nothing about what goes on in my circus?

 

“Now, you come here to tell me you’re renouncing as magician are you not?” Junmyeon proceeds to ask the male, taking a seat on his desk chair. Kyungsoo comes out of the shadows behind Junmyeon, surprising both males from the way he silently moved but Kyungsoo only smiles.

 

“Yes.” Baekhyun confidently says. “I know I owe you a lot and the only thing I can repay you by is the circus but the time has come for me to go home.”

 

Junmyeon shakes his head. “You do not owe me anything. It is I who owe you.” Junmyeon smiles. “You have nothing to worry about. The circus will go on without you and we will forever honor the acts you’ve done for it. But Baekhyun, didn’t I tell you to only come back if it didn’t work?”

 

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows, unsure at what Junmyeon was telling you. “What do you mean?”

 

Junmyeon smiles patiently at him then turns to Chanyeol who stands behind Baekhyun silent all this time, remembering the day Baekhyun came forward to him regarding his problem and of how adamant he was only to succumb to love at the very end.

 

 

 

 

 

“Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon calls out, hand gesturing for Kyungsoo to approach him. Kyungsoo stands by his side before Junmyeon pushes his chair back and faces the wide-eyed circus employee. “you passed the test. Now, it’s time for you to take over.”

 

And then something rare happens on Kyungsoo’s face for it lights up in genuine happiness, his grin showing most of his teeth, and his eyes twinkle with utmost mirth. Just then, there’s a knock on the door and Junmyeon calls them in.

 

Yixing appears, holding a small pouch in his hands that’s pulled taut by its strings. The blonde hands the pouch over to Kyungsoo but not without an encouraging pat to his shoulder and a congratulatory smile on his face.

 

Kyungsoo opens the pouch to take a look and sees the silver bracelet in it, its band well-maintained and clean. He brings the bracelet out and inspects it under the dim lighting the fire can produce and he chokes back the cry that strangles out of his lips, emotion filling his lungs.

 

With a deep bow to Junmyeon and Yixing, he scampers out of the office in search of the bracelet’s owner. And when he finds him leaning against the magician’s tent with a bottle of vodka in his hands, Kyungsoo approaches him carefully, taking note of how the moonlight casted over the skin kissed by its counterpart—bronze color a beauty no matter what the rest of the people think of it.

 

“Jongin...” Kyungsoo softly calls and the tanned male looks up, his appearance dishevelled and eyes wild but sad. Kyungsoo shows him the bracelet as he continues on to him. “let me help you.”

 

And when Kyungsoo successfully clasps the bracelet secure around Jongin’s wrist, he watches as Jongin’s eyes cloud up to the slow changes that overcome him.


End file.
